i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
