1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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