but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
