dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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