apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
