Soap is not a condiment
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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