Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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