so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
