standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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