in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
