Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
