I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
