He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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