i think i have two assholes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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