im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We named our party play list daddy issues
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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