Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
