How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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