I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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