matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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