you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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