the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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