Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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