so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
