my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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