You can't motorboat a personality
You smell like stripper and shame
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
