I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize