Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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