These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
