my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's like iHOP with fire
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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