look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
