I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
