I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
