he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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