3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
