Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
