Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize