Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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