i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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