Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
