D3 body, D1 cock
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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