His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just forgot I was standing up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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