I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
false alarm, still single
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
