In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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