shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
