Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
