no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
