he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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