my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
