I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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