If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
