can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
