if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
