rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
