did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
