my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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