Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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