wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
