Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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