I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
