Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
