We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
