We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
