Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
