I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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