I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
zippers are such a cool invention
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are we still banned from the library?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
