You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
