Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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