Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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