just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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