My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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