Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
