getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
