i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
