So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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