Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize