Already got asked if we're dating
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
