She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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