A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
