20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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