We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
