Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
