Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
