Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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