I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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