I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
