I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
