I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
