I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
