So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
