My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Too much gin, very little bucket
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
