therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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