I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
