Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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