You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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