8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
