susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
