my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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