Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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