Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
