There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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