Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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