I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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