the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
