she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
