so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
